Let.Go

I will not totally get into the disgust I feel for my brother in law and his wife, but I just have a question for any military wives…

Is it really terrible to be a miliary wife?

My brother in law is 13 years in and is going to ETS, I think.  Or at least that’s the line of bullshit he’s feeding his parents who have given him $50,000 in the past five years, because he said the military doesn’t benefit him in anyway.  That he doesn’t get a monthly allowance or whatever.  And that he has to pay for his, his wife and three kids insurance.

I mean I know the military has a lot of perks.

I’m not sure why his parents believe this.

They gave him $20,000 to refinance his house, because he said he was going to ETS.
Rumor has it, he never intended to ETS, he said that to get the $20,000.

I need to work on being nonchalant.

I used to ask my husband a question and he would never wonder why.  Such as what size pants are those, what color did you like of that, etc.
Very obvious as to why I would ask.

Obviously I’m trying to surprise him with something.

Last night, I was asking him about parts and things he needed that were all motorcycle related and he told me to stop asking him and I tried playing it off like “I’m just trying to learn” and he looks at me like I’m stupid and says

“Knowing what size gloves I wear does not help you learn anything.  Don’t buy me anything.”

Too bad father’s day is coming up. 

Do you know what I want to do right now?

Go riding.  All day long.

However, I heard it’s not a wise decision to try to strap small children to the motorcycle or leave them home alone.  Ya know have the five year old watch the two year old.

This has to be planned out, like a date.

I miss being pregnant and having a little baby.
And my girls keep asking when.  But I know it’s not a when, it’s an if.

I know I couldn’t finish school, work and have three children.  Two being in school.
I could do it, if I wasn’t in school.
But school is a major priority right now.
And we are trying to buy a house.  And moving down south, would actually be way better for us and we could definitely afford a third child.

But none of this will happen anytime soon.

The house is in a 2-4 year time span.  As well as school. 

*sigh*

This is in God’s hands, I suppose. 

You can’t continue doing this.

I have always tried to be accomodating to you and sensative to your feelings, but you are not her daddy.  I’ve give you plenty of opprotunity to be her daddy.  But you messed that up.
You are not the man who gets her ready for bed and has popcorn and watches Disney with her.  You aren’t the man who helped her catch her first fish or taught her how to tie her shoes.  You aren’t the man who does her homework with her or plays soccer with her.

You are a sperm donor.
And that is your fault.

It is not my fault you are so inconsistent.  It’s not my fault you never created a relationship with her.
Calling every few weeks or months is not good enough.  It’s not good enough for my daughter.

From the begining you had a strained relationship, simply because you were not in her life and she resisted you.
Well of course, because you bailed out and another man was raising her.
You wanted to step in when she was 2 and assume she would just have this love and connection?

No, sir that’s not how it works.

You can’t keep doing this.

Anytime you have a family event, you want to act like a super dad and show her off, like she’s your trophy.
Calling me over and over again.

She’s not your trophy.  You took no part in the way she has been raised.

She doesn’t want to see you or go with you or even hear your name.  Your first name.  Because you are not her daddy and she has said that so many times. 

I’ve been so delicate with your feelings, because I know how fragile you are.  Which is why I’ve avoided telling you how much she despises you.  I haven’t told you how your name alone causes her to have an anxiety attack.  And when I have tried to get her to talk to you, she has hidden in her room, lights out and under the covers, for hours.  I haven’t told you how she stayed up until midnight crying and hypervenilating, terrified of you.

dealsanddevos:

OUR love should mirror Christ’s love for us. It should love, even when it is wronged.

You see that? THAT is real love: returning love for wrong. NEVER returning evil for evil.

-Aj Neugebauer LCMS pastor

Dear Husband,

And it’s been a year!
This year has been such a transforming year.  For both of us.
We’ve become a husband and wife, and we’ve grown in that way.  Not just individually as people, as we’ve also done, but we’ve grown together.

And we still have plenty to learn and grow, but this year, has shown so much that we are in fact an US and not a YOU or ME.

It’s me and you, us, together.
That’s why no matter what, we are so unbreakable.

I am so excited, for our life together and everything it brings.

I love you more then anything.